My Toastie Outlet ♠

Oh, but I understand that very well, though it's not over birthdays. Haha. I'm trying so hard to refrain myself from scoffing. How old are you again?

You know what really hurts? Knowing that we are so different, yet we are almost twins emotionally. Huh, really. I AM used to people forgetting me out of the blue. Don't you forget this fact. Routine or not, are you going to feel insignificant everytime someone suddenly stops a comforting routine? Hm? Are you? Even if the people you are close with forgotten to wish you a Happy Birthday, your mother remembered. Is that not enough? Hell, I would be beside myself with joy that's IF my mother even remembers my birthday. If you are not, I guess your mother's well wishes isn't as important as others huh.

No, you are not selfish in wanting a listening ear. But it comes down to this, have you ever asked them if they had the time to listen to your problems before? Instead of the 'I need someone to talk to. Now. Anyone. But I won't open my mouth. I'll just see if they know I'm sad', have you tried 'I need someone to talk to, maybe I should ask if anyone is free'? Out of the times we've spent, most of it was me initiating a talk. The few times you've initiated it, I was occupied with my work. And once I've denied you, you didn't start any conversations with me. Probably trying to numb your pain somewhere else? If you had asked in a more convenient time, would I have rejected you? You know that I won't. If you don't ask for someone and come straight to the point, how else are they going to figure out what is wrong with you?

I called you selfish because whenever you face a failure, an obstacle, your first response is, I want to die. Is that not seflish, you tell me. You called me selfish for not wanting to shed a tear for you, yet if you die, do you know the amount of guilt, sadness and pain that it will bring upon my person for my. entire. life. I can tell you it's immense. Not only that, you'll only be bringing sorrow upon your family. Your mother wouldn't even know why her son decided to do as such. Your mother would live with the fact that she lost a son. And don't you dare assume that your family wouldn't be that affected by your death. Which you did. And for that itself, is that not selfish?

Your entire problem lies with you. When will you stop assuming, when will you start to at least make or force yourself to accept YOU. Self-pity led to Self-hatred led to Insecurity led to Paranoia led to Distrust.

Open your mind.

Why trap yourself?

I don't want to hate you. I DON'T hate you.

I find it a bother why you never, never thought of the severity of the situation your death will bring. I can not believe you make light of it.

That is what disgusts me.

I am not saying whatever assessment I made of you is entirely right. I myself have insecurities as well, more than you know. But why let them affect friendships? Why let them affect your life?

Why let failure decide your death?

There will be plenty of things left to regret. What you do not know now, but there will.

*sigh* Whatever. I won't waste my tears on you.